More and more people are transitioning later in life, but does it get any easier as you get older?
By Emma Norodom
Debbie Hayton, 50, spent her whole life surpassing the inner feeling that she was a girl. And she almost managed it well, with a successful career as a teacher, marrying as a man and raising three children.
It was not until nine years ago that she became very aware that other people were transitioning. Her gender dysphoria became so strong that she had suicidal thoughts. This feeling encouraged her to confide to her wife of 19 years that she wanted to become a woman.
Debbie was lucky she was surrounded by a supportive family, but delaying transition created a whole new set of burdens and challenges.
At first, her family understood what she was going through but they were filled with uncertainty and fear. To have the time to make adjustments, they asked her to delay her transition. But having waited her whole life, Debbie couldn’t wait any longer.
Her family finally came to terms with her transition, and the response was generally positive. But she and her wife did not remain as close as they were. “Within the family, roles are quite gendered,” Debbie says. “At work I was a teacher because I am a human being, but at home I was a husband because I was a man.”
As a heterosexual, Debbie’s wife could not cope with sleeping next to somebody she didn’t feel attracted to. They now sleep in separate beds, but in the same room. “We were husband and wife. Now we are best friends,” she says.
In the end, Debbie may have lost a relationship but she also gained a new one.